From Jadi, This needed to posted for Nostalgia (3 of 3)

wow...for the first time in my life...i think an email has truly impacted me. reading your email definately brought tears to my eyes. Nilay...i never knew u felt this way. I am truly sorry for making this our situation. I wish to continue to be friends with you and I want to have the conversations we used to have. It seems as though everytime I do call you, you never want to talk to me or that other people are around so we cant fully talk like we used to.
The reason your email has effected me so much is that there have only been two people in my life that have truly cared for me this much (besides my parents). one is Aman and the other is you! I can say that even though I have been dating Mohan this long, he will never care for me as much as you ever have. You were always there to talk to me, you showed you cared for me, you flew down to see me, and never did you ever hesitate when I needed someone to talk to. I feel like so much shit inside right now, i cant even explain to you, because I feel like I have ruined what we had.
As far as "us" I wasnt sure if we were going anywhere. The distance was one of our major problems. I didnt ditch you that night for Mohan, he was only there at the very end when we were standing outside. The times at the bar and stuff, I was with my other guy friends.
I cant even get all my feelings out clearly because I dont even know where I wanna start or how to even explain how bad I feel. All these times I just thought u didnt want to talk to me because of my new relationship, but there was so much more to it. I didnt even realize, you didnt even show it once during the following months when we did talk on the phone. I feel like a shit head...i still care for you, otherwise I wouldnt have written you the email...i miss our conversations, i miss talking to you...and i miss you!!!
I did tell you, that I have a record of hurting people, but I didnt intend to hurt you like this. Nilay you would be the last person in the whole world I would want to offend. I am constantly talking about how sweet you are when I tell people bout you.
I dont know what else to say...but I am sorry for everything!! Im sure you wish nothing happened between us, and now I wish it didnt either...cuz den at least I would have my good friend without all this extra tension.

-Jadi